sometimes these random negative emotions come to me.
they come in different combinations each time,
but weirdly enough,
they have a common feeling between them that i could not explain.
because of this, i started calling this "the void",
and i began to write this so i could try to understand it better.


how can we fill the void?
how can we make it so it doesn't hurt?
why it only comes when i'm alone?
all of these questions with no answers
this feeling is getting more and more common

i wish you could be here
i wish you were alive so i could talk to you

i keep lingering about something that doesn't exist

the void uses my sadness to heal itself


do i regret not doing what i was told?

i wish i knew what it all meant
can i ever get an answer to this?

i remember when the shadows approached me
now i see their point
but maybe is too late now. or is it?
the void uses my regret to reason itself


is the void really "it"? or can it be someone?

but what if it was you?...
do i really think it was you?
there's a void now, just like there was a void before

maybe you're i am the void
the void uses my doubt to cast its shadow


i feel the void getting stronger when i'm alone

multiple emotions come together
they form a shadow that keeps me awake at night

i can feel it staring at my soul
the void uses my loneliness to creep in



there's no one i hate more than the person in the mirror

i tried filling the void, but it looks like it can't be filled

i feel like my soul is constantly fighting my physical self
even the peace i feel when i'm alone doesn't last long enough to heal my soul
it feels like my heart decayed, and i'm holding onto its pieces
it just makes me hate more the person that i am
...the person i'm becoming
the void uses my hate to weaken myself


i fear when the void comes closer

i fear when i think of things that i shouldn't
it makes me doubt if i'm sane enough to live on earth

thoughts come to my mind
it makes me fear myself
it makes me fear what i can do to my soul
it makes me fear that what i'm feeling is real
it makes me fear how humans perceive me
the void uses my fear to power itself


i don't think i can live without lust

i think it's how the void pulls me

the void gives me pleasure
but i feel weird

i love the pleasure
but too much of a good thing can make me lose my mind

there's a sense of greed for pleasure
sometimes i get addicted to it

the visuals
the feelings
the body movements
the physical aspect
all of my senses getting pleasure
with or without someone
this feeling makes it seems like...
...the connection with the void is worth
when the climax is reached
my mind gets empty
and it's when the void makes its attack
the void uses my lust to feed itself


after pleasure, guilt comes to me
guilt for feeling lust
guilt for making it a crutch to feel something more
but lust isn't all

guilt for disappearing from peoples lives
for not keeping my promises with others and with myself
for not being the way i wanted to be
the void uses my guilt to convince me i'm just like him


will the void never end?

i can make so that i can't feel the void anymore
but in reality, there's no reason to end it
at least i can't find a reason to

i can't let it make my life revolve around it

the more i feel the void...
the more i understand the void...

the more i want my decayed soul and the void to become one entity
just like the shadows told me


the void
is me

accepting the void is the only way
to understand that you need it to survive.

when the void comes, remember the times when it's not there.
remember the people that helped you come this far.
remember the things that keeps the void away.
the only thing we can do is to get stronger and be prepared for when it comes.

but still, be careful
because evil lurks in the shadows